I'm 10 days into my cancer treatment and still feeling mostly fine. A little tired, a little less hungry than my pre-diagnosis days (but still with a good healthy appetite!), and mostly of the mind set that if I wasn't undergoing cancer treatment I wouldn't know I had cancer.

At the radiation treatment today the team commented on just how positive I am. For those of you know that know me well I'm sure you wouldn't describe me as the most negative person, but I'm also not typically described as the most positive person either. I also met with the doctor today and he was blown away at just how happy and in good spirits I was. I've been told a couple of times by doctors that is a key to recovery.

So much of this cancer journey is a total mind fuck. It could be easy to give in to it, but for whatever reason, that just hasn't seemed like an option for me. Don't get me wrong, it's not all rainbows and unicorns and sunshine ... and there are times where I'm worried, or scared, or whatever, but I'm just trusting the treatment plan ... trusting the process.

It's also been extremely helpful that in the past couple of weeks the number of people that have checked in on me. People that have stopped to be in the moment with me, looked me in the eyes, and said, "I love you". Friends of mine I've known for years, that I knew loved me, but to have it be just so deliberate. It's an unbelievable experience.

My friend that has season tickets with me for the Firebirds called today just to say hey. He's disconnecting from the internet for about a week and just wanted to see how I was doing. And to talk hockey. It turns out that the other season ticket holders that sit around us were asking about me. There's lots of little "traditions" that I do while I'm there that are being missed. That was nice to hear.  He didn't tell them about my diagnosis. He simply said, "Trust me, there's no other place he'd rather be ... he just can't right now."

Earlier today I saw this on mastodon and decided I was going to but myself flowers. Because I saw this at about 2:30am local I proceeded to forget that I saw it. Obviously I forgot to buy myself flowers. Fast forward to this afternoon when my sister-in-law brought me a ton of food ... and flowers. I very nearly started to cry and told her about the comic that I saw.

That lead me to think about how lucky I am. About how loved I am. And when I really think about why I'm staying so positive I remember that. And I remember, if the worst happens. If this turns out being really bad, I can spend the rest of my days being miserable or sad or whatever ... or I can spend the rest of my days being the best  version of myself, looking for those glimmers and really appreciating everything I have.

So yeah, I think I'm going to be as fucking positive as possible. Because if this doesn't work out the way I'm hoping, why would I want to spend the rest of my days being miserable. It sounds a lot harder honestly.