I just ended week 3. It started off pretty strong with my feeling pretty good. Both the oncologist and Radiation oncologist were surprised at just how good I was feeling. This was on Tuesday and Wednesday. By Thursday I started to feel a bit nauseous. By Friday it was worse. And some of the side effects of the chemo and radiation started to appear.

I won't get too detailed, but needless to say, Friday was the hardest treatment day so far.

Last weekend I told Emily that I was pretty sure this was going to be the week where I started to feel it, and sure enough, right on cue, I did.

Yesterday was hard too from a work perspective, which compounded the entire experience I think. I spent the little bit of 'lunch' time I had either laying down or crying with Emily consoling me.

By the end of the day the nausea had subsided a bit, but after I took my last set of chemo meds for the week, as I was putting them back in their storage spot ... I cried some more. I wasn't really sure why at first. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it's because I'm losing a sense of agency.

Take your allergy pill at 6:20am, eat at 7:00am, take your first chemo dose at 7:30am, get your ass zapped with radiation at 10:10am, eat at 7:00pm, take your final chemo dose of the day at 7:30pm.

It's getting to be mentally more challenging to deal with on a daily basis. I'm trying my best to remain positive. To look for the glimmers in life. My cousin Jasan going with me to see the oncologist. Seeing lots of my friends at Jeff's Office Hours. My friend Tim reaching out to me about PyCon. Emily sending a family text that reminded us 17 years ago we went to Big Bear, and that Abby didn't want to go because she was afraid she was going to see a REAL Big Bear.

I try to stay positive, but it's getting harder. The only thing I think I can really do is put on a genuine smile when I can, appreciate the love and support I am getting from friends and family, and acknowledge that there are somethings I'm not going to be able to do for a while. And that's OK.

Before I started treatment my friend and colleague Loren (a physician where I work) advised me to make sure to take care of myself during treatment. Everything at work, including the upgrade that one of my teams is working on that will directly impact her, should come secondary to me working getting treated and healing.

I didn't understand it at first. I thought I could handle everything just fine. And for the first 10 treatment days it felt like that was going to be true. Looks like it's going to be harder than I thought.

I'm pretty sure next week will be even harder than this week. It might be the first week where I have to stop working 40+ hours ... and maybe only work 40 🤣

Even with all of that, I'm am understand and appreciate just how truly lucky I am to have the support I do. This alone is going to get me through this I'm sure of it ... even on the really hard days.

To everyone I just want to say thank you and I love you for all of your help and support.