One of the things that has been challenging with all of this has been the specter of the tumor and not knowing what was going to happen with it. When I got the news that there was no cancer in the polyp, and my cancer markers were absent a deep part of my brain was like, "Great! We're all done. Let's get back to normal life!"

This part of my brain is wrong. There's still work to do, but it's the work to make sure that all of the cancer is gone. It's hard to get that part of my brain to accept what needs to be done, but it's getting quieter.

I'm set to start the infused chemo on Monday August 17th. It will be 6 rounds, each 3 weeks. Two weeks on, one week off. I'll be infused with Oxaliplatin on Monday, take the Xelota (Capocyteban) 2 times a day for 2 weeks and then have a week to rest. Then I'll do it all over again. Six times.

SIX Fucking Times.

There are some side effects (as there always are with this kind of stuff). Nausea, fatigue, diarrhea, sensitivity to cold. Thankfully this last one only lasts up to a week post infusion so it won't be a sensitivity to cold for 18 weeks. That would be rough. I might live in the desert where it's warm, but the AC kicks on and that shit can be REALLY cold.

I had a CT scan last Thursday and should have those results in a week. I've got an MRI on Monday and then meet with the surgeon the Tuesday after that. So I guess that means by August 18 I'll have a much better sense of the cancer's state.

This is all still so mentally taxing. Between this and stresses at work, it can feel like WAAAY too much shit to deal with. Some days are better than others. I just have to keep reminding myself, with the help of Emily, that this too shall pass. We'll get through all of this.

That is to say, eventually I can go back to being "a normal boy". One that isn't being treated for cancer. One that is on the other side of the diagnosis. The one that is waiting five years to be told he's in full remission. All I can say is that 2032 is going to be fucking LIT!

While I was getting radiation earlier this year the MA at the oncologists office, Austin, said something to the effect of, "People with a positive attitude always do best". So I'll just keep trying to have a positive attitude, keep on looking for the glimmers. Keep on smiling, because it doesn't hurt to smile.