I still don't have a firm date on when the chemo will start so I'm trying to do as much stuff as I can before I have to live like it's 2020 again. Last weekend the MST crew came over for grilling, and baseball watching, and just hanging out. I was a bit heavy that day, but I was really glad that everyone came over. On Sunday Amber came over for brunch and just general hanging out.

Most of the week was pretty quite, but then on Thursday Emily and I went to Dinner with Chad and Lindsey. We shut the restaurant down! Granted, it did closed at 8, so that wasn't too hard.

Last night we went out to dinner with Dean, Andrea, Becca, and Eric.

A lot of what we've done is eat with people, but I guess that's what people do together, right? And it's not like we can go hiking with a Heat Dome making it unseasonable warm, even for the desert!

In general I'm feeling a bit lighter now, but still heavy. I'm not looking forward to starting the chemo and all of the ways that will make me not feel well. I can read all of the potential side effects, but I still don't know how I'm going to feel. Maybe it makes me feel worse and I can't get out of bed. Maybe it doesn't impact me too much and I'm able to carry on like it's nothing.

It's the not knowing that makes everything so much harder. You'd think at this point in my life I'd be able to handle a bit of uncertainty, but it's still something that's really hard for me to deal with.

Anyway, I have at least a week, and up to 3, before I go all hermit on the world so I'm going to do all the things I can. Maybe I'll feel comfortable enough going up to the mountains again, but only time will tell. The idea of that drive and being up there still kind of scares the shit out of me.