One of the things that is hard going through all of this is that I have a picture in my mind of what my body is supposed to be able to do.

I should be able to have my morning coffee. I should be able to a soda or two. I should be able to walk for more than 10 minutes. I shouldn't need to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon.

But alas dear reader, that was the old me. The new me seems to have a very different set of what is possible.

After my scare last week with the syncope I tried to take it pretty easy this week. No soda, very little coffee, and no alcohol. Lots of water, and electrolyte drinks. But, I also decided that going for a short walk each day would be a good idea. The first couple Emily went on with me. I did fine with them, nothing great from a physical fitness perspective, but I would get my heart rate up, come back home, rest for a few minutes, and my heart rate would be back to normal.

That all seemed to change on Thursday when I went for a walk, on my own (it wasn't my first one) and as I was walking I started to not feel normal. Nothing like last Friday before I passed out, but just not right. I spent the most of the rest of the morning with an elevated HR and O2 sats that were lower than what I was used to. I was short of breath, and had a hard time talking for more than 30 seconds.

I called the Nurse Hotline to see if this was something that was concerning and if I should go to Urgent Care, but the numbers weren't bad in general, just not what I'm used to.

After speaking with the Nurse I felt better. I think part of my issue was anxiety about a repeat of the week before and getting that reassurance helped.

In the afternoon I started to feel more like myself. I was able to carry on conversations and Emily said that I just "looked better". My HR is still higher than I would like, but it seems like I'm back to some semblance of normal, though it's a new normal that I'm struggling to adjust to.

The Radiation Oncologist told me it could take 1 - 3 months to recover from that treatment. I'm only 3 weeks out from that, so it looks like it could be a few more weeks before I feel more normal ... I'm not really sure.

And this is because I met with my oncologist yesterday and was referred back to the surgeon I saw initially. This means that I'll likely have surgery in the next month to remove the tumor. My understanding of the surgery is that I'll be in the hospital for up to 4 days and then a recovery of 2 - 6 weeks. If that's how this plays out then I'll be having surgery by the middle of July and recovered from the surgery as late as Labor Day.

And then based on my oncologists next steps I'll start chemo again. This time it will be infused AND oral chemo. Given my age and general health we can afford to be a bit aggressive with my treatment. That will take a couple of months to get through. Which means that hopefully this will 'over' by the end of the year. 

I put over in quotes because it won't ever really end. I'll need to get a colonoscopy every year. I may need an ostomy bag for the rest of my life. There are still a lot of unknowns, but I continue to be positive. I hold onto hope that 2027 will be the year I'm able to return to a normal life and not the life of a cancer patient in treatment.

This hope, along with the support of countless people, are helping to make this season of life something I know I can handle.