Earlier this week I had surgery to remove the last part of the tumor that is visible. This was a huge milestone for me. I still have several follow up things to do. See my oncologist, see my surgeon, go to the EDM concert, I mean, have an MRI done. All of these will be done over the next three weeks.
I'm pretty sure these appointments will go something like this:
Oncologist: Can't really say much and don't want to start any chemo until after MRI.
MRI: sitting inside a small tube hearing nothing but EDM like beats for 45-ish minutes
Surgeon: MRI says X, go talk to Oncologist for next steps
Most likely this means that by about the end of August or beginning of September I'll be starting up infused chemotherapy which will last 4 months. If that's how it goes then this year will end with me finishing up round two of chemo. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! This also means that I won't be going to many / any Firebirds games in person until at least January. Half the fucking season. Not gonna lie, pretty bummed about that.
But back to the surgery. The surgeon gave me and Emily several instructions for post surgery recovery:
- Continue liquid diet day of surgery
- Introduce soft foods the day after, monitor to see how body reacts
- Introduce more foods as you can until you get back to your normal diet
- Don't strain during bowel movements; only sit on the toilet for UP TO two minutes
- Start Eliquis back up once you've had no bleeding for 2 full days
- Don't lift anything heavier than 10 pounds for 4 weeks
I got through the diet part pretty quickly. Carolyn made more of her Chicken Noodle Soup which I've plowed through. By Friday I was back to eating normal food which was really nice. Honestly, not having a meal you can chew for almost a week ... it got pretty old.
I was so close with the no bleeding thing for 2 days. On Friday I did have some spotting but only once and it didn't seem like a big deal. That being said I still called the Surgeon's office to check. They said I need to hold off for a few days and that they'd check in on me on Monday. Ugh ... really wanted to start the Eliquis back up. Knowing that there's a blood clot in my leg, or at least the remnants of one and that it could cause another Pulmonary Embolism it's not something I'm excited about. The Eliquis is like my security blanket right now, and not having it is mildly stress inducing.
The not being able to lift more than 10 pounds is honestly the hardest / weirdest thing. I don't know how much 10 pounds is from feel. But I'm guessing most "light" things are just above the 10 pounds. This means, no taking out the trash from the kitchen, no taking the trash cans down to the street on trash day, and always using a cart at the grocery store and hoping that none of the bags are more than 10 pounds so I can put them in the car and then bring them into the house when I get home if I'm alone.
It also resulted in a weird thing yesterday. The gardener came and did the lawn work. They filled up the green waste bin, but didn't take it to the street. I didn't realize this until after they had left. I wasn't sure if the green waste truck had been by yet or not, and Emily was at work. I wanted to take the bin down to the street, but I KNOW it weighs more than 10 pounds, so I couldn't.
Over the course of this season of life I've had lots of feelings. Fear, pain, anger, happiness, sadness ... but not once have I felt incapable. Yesterday I did. I knew that a thing needed to be done (take the green waste bin to the street) but I knew I couldn't do it. Even when only half full that fucker weighs probably 40 pounds, and pulling it down to the street would have exceeded my 10 pound limit.
Each day I learn a bit more about the various impacts this disease has on a person, both physically and mentally. Yesterday wasn't a breaking point. I wasn't emotional, or upset, or have any really negative feelings about it. I accepted the limitation pretty quickly and moved on, but as I reflect on it ... these are the things you don't really think about. Little stupid things that young and/or healthy me did without a second thought.
This will only be a thing for a couple more weeks and then I'll be back to lifting more than 10 pounds, but it really makes me think more and more about how much can be taken for granted, and how society and forget or minimize the limitations of people without even realizing it.